FIRST DAY

OMG! Think I stuffed up big time. Arrived hungover on Monday morning for my first ever day at my new agency and it sooooo reminded me of when I was the new kid at Yagoona Primary School and all the boys were screaming out "Inga van Dick" and grabbing their crotches. The creatives are all staring at me and I don't even have time to be shown to my new office when we're suddenly told that all the staff have to assemble immediately in Reception for a totes uber-important announcement and then my new CEO stands up on the staircase (coz he's pretty short) and when all the ferals and randoms finally shut up he launches into this hectic speech about the future prospects of the agency and how after a long and arduous search he has found one of the most ruthless advertising brains in Sydney, who really "gets creative" and is going to be "a major player in re-focusing our agency's aggressive new business plans and goals for major FMCG growth" and everybody should be "very very afraid" and I'm thinking "Yikes who is this person I think I might have made a mistake here" when suddenly he turns and points at me! And everyone starts clapping and CEO walks over and puts his arm around me and squeezes my shoulders which was kind of creepy coz he's sweaty and Italian or Bosnian or whatever and goes "and I think you'll all agree she's pretty easy on the eye, too" and all the retards started laughing and whistling and all the chicks stare daggers at me. Then I get shown to my seat which is like in the "heavy" corner of the agency right next to CEO and opposite ECD and I'm thinking this could be really good or really bad or maybe even both. Spent the morning organizing my desk and all the time I'm like: "Yikes what the hell am I doing here?" and then CEO goes "Surprise! We're all going out to Inga's welcome lunch" and we go to this pub opposite the agency and everyone's there and we're onto the fourth round of drinks when CEO goes "so enlighten us, Inga - what do you think of the new Carbon Tax ads?" and I'm halfway through skulling a schooner of Becks and I try not to burp and i go "the Carbon Tax ads? They've got to be the lamest, gayest, blandest, dopiest ads I've ever seen, I mean what sort of moronic agency thought that a bunch of retarded bogans from Alice Spring bragging about their stupid solar panel rip-off business would make anyone care about some stupid old Carbon Tax anyway?" and I'm just about to explain how Mum had solar panels fitted to her place in Yagoona but they melted the roof when I notice the whole pub has gone quiet. Then CEO goes "um, you know that we did those ads, don't you?" Oops!