BLONDE STREAKS AND RED HAIR

OMG! Blonde streaks in red hair. Sooooooooo wrong. And it's all my fault! One of the last things I did before I left my old agency was to send some samples of our Carbon Neutral Shampoo range to Mr Tim Gillard c/- The Lodge, Canberra coz when I met Julia's Main Squeeze during the carbon tax pitch I promised him that if he'd agree to be a "brand ambassador" and leave "product placements" lying around everywhere like at the United Nations and in the dunnies at the White House then I'd send him a bunch of freebies if we won the account. He got all excited and said that he was looking for a proper ambassadorial role coz Canberra is like the lamest place in the world coz its freezing cold and there's nothing to do except ride your bike around that stupid lake and stare at the ejaculating fountain. Then he said he couldn't wait for the next election to be over and done with coz he was desperate to move back to Melbourne. Anyway, we didn't win the pitch even though our ads were heaps better than the lame ones they chose with all those people building windmills and stuff and I forgot all about it but then when I was packing up to move to my new job I found all these samples under my desk and I remembered Mum always told me you've got to be politically astute if you want to get on in this world (like she did when she agreed to "go for a few drinkies" with the Yagoona Head of Urban Planning just so she could get DA approval for Josh to move into the garage even though it's made of asbestos) so I sent the samples off to Canberra with a note telling Timmy it was time he gave his missus a new look. Anyway, I forgot that the Carbon Neutral formula contained yoghurt and avocado (it was basically exactly the same as our ‘forest delights’ range except with less soap in it) and had this hectic use-by-date which is why Woolies and Coles wouldn’t touch it with a bargepole and the packs had been sitting under my desk for at least two years and I guess they must have gone rotten coz next thing Julia pops up on the news to tell everybody how awesome her government is and how she’s totes in control and she’s going to lead them to the next election and all her cabinet ministers are sitting around this big table with these miserable long faces coz no-one dares tell her that her hair has gone this hectic surfy/ranga look. Oops. Even Penny Wong looked embarrassed and that's saying something, and Greg Combet just sat there shaking his head in disbelief. Anyway, Julia didn't seem to notice and of course Timmy was nowhere to be seen. Apparently he was off having lunch with these fierce Miss World contestants to raise money for charity. I'm surprised Julia let him, but I guess she must know he's totes not the type to be interested in a bunch of hot babes cavorting around the Lodge in their bikinis. Hope they don't ask him to do their hair.