AT THE GLOBAL CREATIVE CONFERENCE

OMG! How fierce is it being the Creative Director! I’m in London at this hectic shampoo creative conference coz I convinced CEO that I’m the only person with enough local knowledge about the brand so I should be the Australian creative representative. Everyone agreed, except Sydney ECD who was totes furious coz it meant he missed out on flying First Class and getting the All-Expenses paid two week trip but as I explained to the Global ECD (who’s this ultra hot black Jamaican dude with pink and gold dreads from New York) Sydney ECD is not only useless at coming up with ideas of his own but he doesn’t understand anything about the brand in the way that I do coz let’s face it I’m a hot chick who’s highly successful and doesn’t mind spending heaps of money pampering herself (which is the key target demographic) whereas Sydney ECD is a bald, retarded, overweight middle aged random from the 80’s who shops at Billabong (which definitely isn’t the target demographic). Global ECD agreed and we hit it off like a bushfire right from the word go and I guess he’s kind of taken me under his wings coz the other CD’s from around the world are jealous that he introduced me at the start of the conference as the “Wonder from Down Under” and it says in the glossy conference booklet that I’m one of the companies “Marketing Superstars of the Future.” As if! I was furious and made them re-print a special sticky insert saying I’m one of the Marketing Superstars of Today. The conference itself is ultra gay and we have to sit in these lame workshops about the future of our brands and everyone has to present a “Strategic Regional SWOT Analysis” which I sat up in my hotel room trying to write the night before but I couldn’t think of any strategies or opportunities for the brand whatsoever so I rang Global ECD in his room and he offered to come down and help me with it and we got stuck into the minibar and room service and what with one thing leading to another I never finished it. Next day I was sweating buckets but I put up this random pie chart and went “blah blah blah blah” – I mean, I actually used those words “blah blah blah blah” and I’d typed “blah blah blah” into each corner of the chart – and everyone was just staring at me like I was some kind of freak or on drugs and then suddenly I stopped mid-blah and froze like Global ECD and I had practiced the night before. Nothing happened for about five seconds then suddenly Global ECD jumps up onto the stage and goes “See? That’s what I’m talkin’ about! We may as well all just stand here going blah blah blah forever coz what we say here doesn’t count for shit out in the suburbs, the shopping malls and the salons unless we crack a really brilliant creative idea! That’s what we’re all here for!” The whole auditorium went nuts and everyone was cheering and clapping and Global ECD puts his arms around me and Global CEO jumped up on stage and said my speech was awesome and it was the sort of inspirational breakthrough we needed! Sooo cool.