SHAMPOOING THE GROIN

OMG! Soooooo peed off right now I can hardly think straight! The Groin Transfer went and did an episode on shampoo and - get this! - they didn't even ask me onto the panel! Me! At my old agency they used to call me the Babe of the Bottle! The Queen of the Quiff! The Hectic Harlot of the Hairdo! I can't tell you how many times I've written to Tony Jones who runs the ABC telling him to do a Groin episode on shampoo and how I'd be happy to help out and he's never even bothered to reply and now this!! They nicked my idea! Soooo rude. I could barely bring myself to watch it! What's the point in asking Russel to talk about hair? Or Todd to talk about skincare products? To add insult to injury they even showed one of my ads from my last agency and everything they said about it was a pack of lies. Dee proved she knows nothing about haircare (which is kind of obvious) by saying that the only way to have lively hair is to have nits, which is simply not true! On top of that, they all reckoned that all shampoos are the same. As if!! Why didn’t they have Bridget on the show? She’s the only chick on the ABC who’s got hot hair. At first I thought my old ECD Matt Eastwood must be having a mid-life crisis coz he’d put on a stack of weight since the last time he was on and worse than that he’s grown his hair really long and dyed it black. Dude - just coz you've found a few grey ones!! We've got shampoos for that! But then I realized it was some other random called Adam. Apparently before he got into advertising he “had a job” in a prison. As if! I can’t tell you the number of guys who try to crack onto me at Bankstown RSL and tell me they used to “work” at Longbay. The name of Adam’s agency is Naked, which hopefully wasn’t his nickname back in his prison days. Then Wil announced that they’re going to privatize the ABC which is probably about time too coz clearly they need some new shows. My idea is to do my own panel show and I’ll get it sponsored by my old shampoo client. I’m going to be the star of the show but I’m going to get Mum and Josh and a couple of my bf’s from Yagoona to be on the panel and we’re going to discuss shows like The Groin Transfer and Talking About My Generation and tell everybody what we think of them. It’s going to be a panel show about panel shows. I’ve written to Tony Jones about it but of course he hasn’t bothered to reply. So the other night I stayed up to watch Q&A so I could tweet Tony Jones using the hash tag at the bottom of the screen but it was so boring I crashed out and woke up in the morning on the sofa covered in red wine and had to rush into work without even having time to have a shower and get changed. But it didn’t matter coz I use a really hectic shampoo and my hair still looked hot!