TEACHING US A LESSON

OMG! Totes freaked out by the nuclear earthquake and the rising tsunamis! Sooooo obvious that the planet is teaching us a lesson. Bigtime. I suggested to ECD yesterday that we should do a proactive award-winning campaign warning people that if they don’t start switching to windmill-power or Solo energy then it will be their turn next. Goodbye Harbour! Goodbye CBD! Goodbye basically everywhere between Bondi and the Blue Mountains! (Not that anyone other than Mum will give a toss if Bankstown or Yagoona get wiped off the map.) I even came up with the line “Whateva U Cherish is Soon gonna Perish”, which ECD thought was brilliant. The worst bit is that he’s given it to Little Miss Perfect to art direct and to “work up into a full blown 360 campaign” coz her copywriter is on hols at the moment and she’s been complaining non-stop that all my shampoo adapts she’s working on are “beneath her”. As if! It takes real art directional skills to change a 15 second Brazilian body lotion spot into a 45 second major Australian new shampoo sku launch. Not only do you have to keep using the same head and body shots over and over again – we blow them up and spin them round and recolour them so they look different each time - but you also have to sink the dialogue, which is a real artform in itself. In the Brazilian ad she is saying “blah blah blah blah blah blah” or whatever (I don’t speak Brazilian) but in the aussie one she now goes “Thanks to our amazing new formula, your hair will re-energise itself during the course of the day, attracting the natural ions from the ionosphere in your workplace, leaving you ready to party party party all night long straight on the way home from work and still feel soft and full in the morning!” It’s really cool and LMP art directed these little arrows and graphics to emphasis the ions (which are these sparkly bits on her head) and the ad looks awesome; although the retards in the studio who saw it on air last night were taking the piss out of it today coz they reckon she looks like she’s got radioactive dandruff. So gay. Why don’t they just stick to doing neck tags on their stupid macs instead of pretending they know anything about advertising? But I digress. Normally I can’t stand being in the same room as LMP coz she always treats me like I’m some kind of bimbocile. But of course now she recognizes how winning my proactive idea is and she realizes she can grab a whole heap of awards with it so she’s trying really hard to like me. Soooo transparent. Needless to say all her ideas were crap until she repeated one of my ideas that she’s now claiming as her own. It’s a visual of the planet earth with a sad face on it, and it’s crying coz Climate Change has stuffed everything up. Then all around it are these thought bubbles saying things like “Earthquakes!” “Bushfires!” “Floods!” “Nuclear Explosions!” ECD reckons its way better than the Earth Hour campaign coz its really hard-hitting as opposed to just telling you to switch off your lights which everyone knows anyway. Cannes here I come!