NBN

OMG! Soooooo exciting. Julia was so impressed by our work on the Carbon Tax pitch - even though we didn't win it, soooooo gay! - that she's asked us to work on selling the NBN. The cool thing is that we don't have to pitch on this one because they've decided to do the whole thing in secret, rather than having an actual advertising campaign as such. The brief is that we've got to find ways of persuading people that the NBN is a really good thing, but we're not allowed to do it with normal ads but instead we have to be "subversive" about it. At our first meeting I suggested we do the sort of guerilla advertising we do with my shampoo client, where we pay these hot chicks with hectic hair-do's to wander around chemists and supermarkets talking to each other at the top of their voices about how awesome our latest hair product is. We sell heaps that way. Julia gave me props coz her boyfriend is a hairdresser and he always uses our stuff coz he says he always hears good things about it and then she wondered if I could get him a job flogging our new conditioning range coz he doesn't have a real job and she's fed up with him hanging around the Lodge like "a spare prick at a wedding" so Julia and I started to work out what he could say and where he could go but then this bald government spin dude who looks like Nosferatu the Vampire interrupts and goes "I thought the purpose of this meeting was to try and flog the poxy NBN not find something useful for your pretend shag to do." Soooooo rude. Julie went bright red so you couldn't tell where her face finished and her hair began. Then CEO tries to smoothe things over by suggesting we draw up a list of "NBN ambassadors" who would be famous people who talk about how awesome an NBN would be. Julia suggests Michael Kirby coz he's a good mate of her boyfriend, and then CEO suggests Tim Flannery and everyone reckons that's an awesome idea, coz then we could show how the NBN is going to help solve climate change as well which everyone agrees would be totes brill. Then ECD asks if someone can explain to him what the NBN actually does, and there's like this horrible silence around the room. Then this pommy guy who apparently is the minister in charge starts droning on about how everybody in the bush can become an online trader and make squillions of dollars by selling stuff anywhere around the world and how it's going to revolutionize everything. Then he shows us all these graphs and things on his laptop about how awesome it'll be and everyone is nodding and then ECD goes "can I download that from your laptop" and they all stuff around trying to stretch the cable across the table and plug it into ECDs computer but it won't reach and in the end CEO goes "don't worry, I'm on wifi which is way better anyway."